And now the rest of the story…No longer living from the outside in.

Growing up I always lived from the outside in. We are constantly taught to go by what we see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. Quite honestly, I completely lived that way. As I was becoming a teenager I had noticed I was becoming an angry individual. In fact, I once had a neighbor lady that told me as a teenager I had a chip on my shoulder, I angrily told her if a had a chip on my shoulder why don’t you try to knock it off. I now understand what she meant and was only trying to enlighten me at the time. But I became angry at life. Growing up in my neighborhood I was not always the smallest but I was the one everyone picked on. Another time with my mother’s mental illness she left me while we were traveling back home from New Jersey. I could go on and on but fast forward to graduating from high school. I had a goal to become a union carpenter and spent years from 13 to 18 getting experience. But to be accepted into the union at that time you had to take and pass a test, which I took and waited enthusiastically for the results. I will never forget receiving the letter in late June of 1982, after graduating in early June. Very hopeful I opened the letter and started to read…Congratulations on passing the test, however, due to the poor economy and too many applicants we can’t accept you into the union at this time. Yes, I was crushed, no more goals for me, they produce heartache.

I finally decided to change career paths after having little work and layoffs. That is when I settled for retail management. I took a position at a local store and worked my way up to a store manager and then the vicious cycle came back into my life. I had worked my way up to bigger stores with more responsibility. And the company asked me to transfer to a store 50 miles away so I did. However, it was in an area with high theft. I once caught a shoplifter and was detaining him until the police got there. This guy began arguing with me that he was not staying and kept getting in my face and I thought he going to take a crack at me and he did. He struck me in the glasses and they flew off my face hit the floor and broke, I went berserk and was beating on him and bouncing him off the floor, I was in a rage and didn’t even realize what I was doing. I truly believe I would have killed or severely injured him if the police would not have shown up. Then months later, I had an employee steal was a large sum of money. My company came to me and said since she did not pay the money back I had to. So they began the process of keeping all of my bonuses. At that point in my life, I had just gotten married a year before and my wife was pregnant with our son. I was becoming such an angry person, I didn’t even like myself, I told God that I no longer wanted anything to do with Him. That I could not believe that He saved me, to bring me to this? I couldn’t escape these cycles of terrible things that I never wanted. They kept popping up in life. Being very bitter I quit my job and moved my wife and son back to our hometown.

As a new husband and now father living in our hometown, I accepted another position in retail management with another company. I worked in the day time and my wife worked in the evening so we did not have the expense of child care. It was during one of those evenings when my son (now 33) was at the “terrible two” age that he was taking his little fingers and prying out the buttons on our kitchen chairs that I yelled at him to stop and he did for a moment. Then I had gotten a hammer and was hammering the buttons back in when I looked and there he was doing the same thing to the very next chair. In that moment rage quickly rose up within me and I drew back the hammer to strike him and thankfully had a moment and I caught myself. It really scared me that I could have hurt my very own son in my rage. This was the first time a realized I had a problem with anger. However, change was on its way.

Shortly after that experience, my son was watching “Mr Roger’s Neighborhood”. Mr. Fred Rogers came on this particular show singing this stupid little song:

What do you do with the mad that you feel
When you feel so mad you could bite?
When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong…
And nothing you do seems very right?

What do you do? Do you punch a bag?
Do you pound some clay or some dough?
Do you round up friends for a game of tag?
Or see how fast you go?

It’s great to be able to stop
When you’ve planned a thing that’s wrong,
And be able to do something else instead
And think this song:

I can stop when I want to
Can stop when I wish
I can stop, stop, stop any time.
And what a good feeling to feel like this
And know that the feeling is really mine.
Know that there’s something deep inside
That helps us become what we can.
For a girl can be someday a woman
And a boy can be someday a man.

When He got to the part, I can stop when I want to. It was though a light went off in my head and I learned for the first time that I could stop being angry when I wanted to, and I wanted to. It didn’t happen overnight but eventually, I finally stopped. So I learned that I could choose not to be angry anymore. That was a new concept to my reacting way of living. I got so good at that, I began to question, it this worked for anger, can it work with other emotions as well? That thought process led to, do you think you can choose how you want to feel? I found myself going around asking people that question. I remember on one occasion, I asked a bank teller and remember she had that deer in the headlights look which quickly turned to this man is from mars look. But I will forever be grateful to Mr. Fred Rogers and his stupid little song. It taught me a great lesson, that one can choose how they want to feel and to respond to life, instead of reacting to life. A switch from living from the outside in, to living from the inside out.

And now the rest of the story…I now know I am God’s highest form of creation. I am an eternal spirit, who had always been. My spiritual DNA is perfect and needs no modification or adjustment. It is perfect. My true nature is: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I am those very things, so when I find I am not displaying that fruit, I know I am out of balance with my true nature. Speaking of true nature the core law of my being is growth. So in times when I find myself settling, or thinking I like my life as it is or not having any desire to expand. I now know I am out of touch with the law of my very being which is growth and expansion. Spirit always looks for ways to further express itself. Spirit also always works from the high to lowest side, from the spiritual to the physical or from the unseen to the seen. I can choose. So I choose the be the best version of me I can be.

So if, you are stuck repeating the same life, year after year. There is great hope for you because if I, as ignorant as I was can change. Anybody can change. But here is the real dilemma, everyone knows how to do better in life. They just don’t know why they are not doing it. I now know why. It is your paradigm or the multitude of subconscious habits that you have that are controlling your actions. Which your actions are producing your results. Learn not to master disappointments or your comfort zone. Learn to master change. Choose to focus on what you can control and give the rest to God and let it go.

Here are four things that hold you back from the life of your dreams or desires. Number one: your life vision or goal is bigger than your self-image. Number two: you have limiting beliefs and lack mindedness. Number three: fear, fear of failure, fear of defeat, fear of success or any other fear. Number four: lack of knowledge or skill.

To truly live from the inside out requires you to have a clear vision, a goal that you are moving towards, and beliefs mixed with supporting emotions. Now to have your vision, goal and beliefs aligned is called brain coherence. That is true success. Now I can honestly say you can’t do that successfully and easily on your own. It does require someone who has done it to guide you to that place within yourself that you can’t get to by yourself. And that is where I come in. Yes if you ask, I will help you. I truly belief in this law. You have not because you ask not.

Blessing to all of you, you are one with Him!

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